enjoyability

So i feel like there is�a struggle. A struggle between my head my heart. My head tells me this is wrong, but my heart tells me im in love. Yesterday was a bad day for me and bryan. Bryan left his myspace on and i being the doubtful person that i am i looked at his stuff to find what i was hoping i wouldnt.... A message from a SLUT. A complete whore just throwing herself at him. She knew he had a girlfriend and yet she threw him the bait and he took it. At first bryan said he only responded the way he did to see if me getting mad would reveal something like i had his password but i didnt and i still dont but i wish i did now..

i felt like i was slapped in the face. Up until yesterday i could say i trusted him. I took him getting a car so well especially after mark but i thought that they are two different people, who knows...

i was wrong, i feel like i cant trust bryan as much anymore and now were back to square one, me going thru his phone snooping around to find out stuff i dont even want to find out..

my snooping so far today caught a text msg from janelle, some chick that i found out recently was bryans first kiss... No big deal right? but for some reason that makes me a little resentful towards her considering she had him before me. But anyways bryan was telling her that he was going to call her to hang out last night when he got mad and left me without saying where he was going. He told me he was going to hang out with troy today when we were in the car, but to think that he even thought of janelle just makes me hate her even more. Makes me trust him less as well.

i dont understand what i did to him to make him act out like this. Ive never cheated, never even thought of it... It just pisses me off so bad that the one guy i put my absolute trust in with my heart is hurting me, crushing whats left of it slowly but surely.

yeah, bryan would say i dont trust him but i do. Normally, if i tell a guy i trust him there is always that doubt in the back of my mind about him ALWAYS even on simple shit. But when bryan told me yesterday that he was testing me with that chick i ALMOST believed it even though i knew he deleted all the messages in the sent box.

just makes me wonder what else he has deleted.


i feel like yelling at him, but fuck it im just going to sleep.
enjoyability, enjoyable, enjoyable activities.